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Marriage Unexpected : Mark 10:1-12 : THE 60

Marriage Unexpected:  Mark 10:1-12

Debrief

Debrief offers an abridged outline of the Sunday sermon for individuals or Community Groups alike, to re-engage the content of the Sunday sermon.  This outline is far from complete, but serves to give a track or road map to walk through the content of Sunday in another context during the week

In our day there are HUGE expectations on marriage including: Companionship.......Ultimate Friendship......Economic Stability.......Emotional Stability.......Sexual Satisfaction.......Future for our Family

In Jesus’ day, there were more simple, but equally HUGE expectations for marriage including: Family Heritage, carrying on the family name and Economics, ensuring enough help free labor the family business.

Sadly in our day, because our expectations of marriage are rarely met, because of the hardness of our hearts and our wrong perspective, divorce is now one of the expectations that many peope have for marriage.  The reality that you’ll be married multiple times is simply excepted today as the way it might be.

The same was true in Jesus’ day.  Divorce was simply a way of life.  It wasn’t surprising that Jesus called them “an adulterous generation."

To the Secular Community of our day, there is not to much disapproval regarding the issue of divorce.  If your needs aren’t getting met in your marriage, divorce is simply one of the options, if not option number one.

The same was true in Jesus’ day.  In contemporary Roman culture, not only could a man divorce his wife for any reason, but a wife could also divorce her husband, something that was taboo until that time.

BUT, to the Spiritual Community of our day, there are HUGE tensions with the issue of divorce.

There is a Conservatie School of thought that says God doesn’t want divorce, but that He allows it in the cases of (1) Adultery (Matt.19:9) and (2) Abandonment by an ubbelieving spouse (1 Cor.7:15).

There is a Liberal School of thought that says that altough God hates divorce, He loves you, and what He hates more than divorce is you being unhappy, even in your marriage.

In the Spiritual Community in Jesus’ day, there were likewise HUGE tensions about divorce.

The School of Shammai (Conservative) said a man can’t divorce his wife expect for adultery / indifelity.

The School of Hillel (Liberal) said a man can divorce his wife if she is “indecent” in anything, including things like her appearance and her cooking.

This is the Pharisees approach, so they come to Him to “test” Him on the issue of divorce.

The verb “test” is used 4 times in the Gospel of Mark.  Three times it’s used of the Pharisees, and once, and first, for Satan testing Jesus in the wilderness.  What Mark is saying is that the Pharissees are trying to distort the Scriptures, like Satan in the wilderness, to get what they want, while still “technically” having the approval of God.

The most outwardly “spiritual” people in Jesus’ day are doing this to Jesus.......trying to understand how much they can get away with without losing the approval with God, or falling out of favor with God.

Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife

THIS IS THE WRONG QUESTION!

Moses permitted a Certificate of Divorce NOT to encourge divorce, but to protect women who were disgarded like unwanted property

Jesus goes behind Moses and the Torah to the presidence of Creation.  Jesus points to the God-ordained union, or ONENESS between male and female.

The Pharisees want to talk about divorce.......Jesus wanted to talk about Marriage.  Jesus wants to recover God’s Desire & Design for marriage, not argue about possible exceptions to it.  (Gen.1:2; 2:24)

The RIGHT QUESTION is not “What are the reasons we can get divorced,” BUT “What is THE reason God created marriage?

God created marriage to show how Christ loves the Church and how the Church is to be devoted to Christ.  (Eph.5:31-33)

Marriage is meant to tell the truth about the Gospel.

Too many people are simply trying to GET THROUGH their marriage.  Too many people want to GET OUT OF their marriage......When God is calling us to GET IN to His design and desire for marriage.

BIG IDEA:  Marriage Unexpected is not looking for fullfillment from one another or from marriage in and of itself, but finding ultimate fullfillment by imaging God together in marriage and telling the story of the way Jesus loves His Church and how the Church loves Jesus through your marriage.

7 Means To Oneness in Marriage

These seven things won’t give you oneness in and of themselves, but they will provide the CONTEXT for Oneness in your marriage.

1.    One God:  Marriage is meant to be centered on and in the One true God. (1 Tim. 2:5)

2.    One Bible:  Marriage is meant to be centered on and saturated in God’s Word.  Consider investing in one special Bible you use to read Scripture with your spouse.  (Eph.5:25-26)

3.    One Journal:  Maybe you and your spouse both journal seperately.  To help create more oneess in your marriage, consider investing in one special journal you journal your thoughts and prayers together in.

4.    One Prayer Life:  Maybe you and your spouse both pray, only seperately.  To help create more oneness in your marrige, consider BOTH intentional and spuratic times you can pray with and for each other.

5.    One Bed:  Your sexual union is an imporant union in your marriage, so imporatant that the Bible says not to stop it without an agreed upon timeframe with a game plan of how to re-engage.  Make your bedroom a sacred place where you come together as husband and wife. (Heb.13:4)

6.    One Interest:  Maybe you and your spouse both have lots of interests, hobbies, etc, but mostly apart from one another.  Consider what interest you share togehther and how often you get to enjoy that together.

7.    One Mission:  Maybe you and your spouse both have a mission statement for your life, but mostly seperate from one another.  Consider prayerfully putting together a mission statement together as a couple. (Acts.18:26)

Jesus never directly answers their question about divorce.

Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife

He doesnt have to.  The answer is clearly No

Jesus is saying He doesn’t want you to divorce your spouse, because He will never divorce Himself from His Bride, the Church, even from those who are part of His Bride that have divorced themselves from their spouse.

If Christ ever abandones or disgards the Church, a man may divorce His wife.  And if the Church ever ceases to be the Bride of Christ, a wife may divorce her husband.  But as long as Christ keeps His covenant with the Church and as long as, by grace, the Church remains the Church, no one can separate a man from His wife besides God.

The plain sense of 10:1-12 is that Jesus does not alllow grounds for divorce.  Although we might add adultery as a legitimate exception (Matt 5:32; 19:9), at very least, Jesus does not desire nor demand divorce even in the case of adultery.

Jesus does not permit divorce, but He forgives those that have been divorced (Woman at the well – John 4)

7 Committments To Oneness in Marriage

1.    I will worship Jesus, and worship Him with my wife.

2.    I will read the words of Jesus, and read them with my wife.

3.    I will reflect on the work of Jesus, and reflect on His work with my wife.

4.    I will pray in the name of Jesus, and pray in His name with my wife.

5.    I will love my wife in a maritally intimate way, regularly, for the name of Jesus.

6.    I will be a friend to my wife, and take interest in her, for the name of Jesus.

7.    I will be on mission with and for Jesus, and be on mission with and for Him with my wife.

Diving In
Diving In offers a few questions to help you re-engage the concepts from Sunday. Feel the freedom to use all of the questions, or to simply camp out on just one. These questions aren't intended to answer all the issues that surface through the thrust of this weeks' message, but to simply raise them and allow you time and space to process them, ideally in the context of your Community Group.

  • What kind of expectations do you have of your marriage?  What are 5-7 expectations you have of your marriage?  How are these expectations different than the expectations you had at the beginning of your marriage?  Why? 
  • Would you consider yourself to have a more “conservative” or “liberal” view of marriage and divorce based on the descriptions above?  Why would you say you hold that position?
  • Have you been “testing” Jesus on the issue of divorce in any way?  Is there any way in which you’ve been trying to find a way out of your marriage at worst, or focusing on the thought of divorce more than the desire for oneness in your marriage at best?  Why?
  • What kind of story is your marriage telling?  Who’s story is your marriage telling?

Deep End
The Deep End is a short and simple formation exercise you can use to dive deep into your heart before God. Feel the freedom to divert from the directions if that makes it easier for you to connect with Jesus in this exercise.

  • First, quiet your heart before the Lord. If you find yourself distracted by various thoughts (things on your “To Do” list, etc.), don’t “fight” the distractions, but rather spend some time praying over those things. Hopefully soon your heart will quieted down and you will be able to hear the Lord speaking to you.
  • After this, take 5-10 minutes to read and meditate on Mark 10:7-9.
  • After you do, ask the Holy Spirit to remind you of a marriage you know that best reflects the Gospel and the commitment Jesus has to His Church and the love the Church has for Jesus.
  • Next, ask the Spirit to reveal to you ONE trait about their marriage that best reflects the Gospel.  Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you a Scripture that underscores this characteristic of their marriage.
  • Last, ask the Spirit to show you one way you can imitate Jesus in your marriage by imitating what you’ve seen of Him in this marriage you regard.
  • End your time with a prayer of thanks, thanking Jesus for the opportunity to display Jesus in and through your marriage.

Digest
Our digest section is all about helping you to memorize and meditate on God's Word so you'll be able to better digest it.  Take some time to commit these short verses to memory this week:

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." – Mark 10:7-9

My hope is that these simple exercises in The 60 will help what we discovered during this week be distilled, and deepened in your heart and life with Jesus.

Matt

For The Elders